Unswallowable lump

Did you ever get that feeling, where you have so many feelings that your heart is just overflowing. Well!! Let me get into this straight. Why is that I try and get a perfectly smooth life bumpy on purpose? Why not just leave it alone, smooth and stressfree?

See here’s the thing, I have a boyfriend who is truly and madly in love with me. I believe I am in love with him as well, I mean it has been a long relationship, so long that I exactly know what he is going to say next. However, all of a sudden this other guy pops out of nowhere and makes me go all woobly and the next thing I do is stalk him over on all social media forums (this is something I never do ever). Let’s be honest, I barely even know this guy, but he just makes me go all crazy and mushy. Oh God! I am even out words, he is all dreamy, sings like Orpheus and that guitar in his hands makes him no less than a God.

It’s been ages I have felt this way and I don’t know why I feel it now. I don’t want this feeling, I want it to go away, but it feels so good to have this feeling. This feeling of excitement, this hope of running into him accidentally and blushing like a newly wed. It’s this crazy amount of contradictory thoughts that’s eating me up. I have never spoke to this guy (just heard him sing, was enough to shake the earth underneath me), and I am crazy about him and I feel guilty about that. I don’t know how to get of this. I don’t know if I should talk him.

Well! I talked about this to my boyfriend, he is concerned, but I cannot help. I just need to know this, or this feeling is going to engulf me. It feels like an enormous rock is on my chest, pushing me down, I can’t move neither can I breathe. The harder I try and resist, the heavier it gets. I need to get rid of this rock but I don’t know how. I hope I would be able to sort out these messed up emotions soon.